daily journal

thirty four.

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I guess today was like any old Monday. Work, home, clean, work out, TV and couch lounging (currently).

Edyn woke up with a stomach ache, and seeing as schools out in 3 days, I figured it couldn’t hurt if I let her stay with me at work for the day.

I actually really love those days. Not that she’s sick, obviously, but just being with her and the fact that I work at a place that allows me to bring her with me whenever I need.

We’ve been looking for a new tv series and I believe we’ve found it! SCANDAL. I’m officially on the train.

Gotta go watch more. Goodnight!

daily journal · trailer reno

thirty two.

We worked on the trailer ALL DAY today and it’s still nowhere close to being finished. I got most of the cabinets painted, but it turns out there was a huge leak (multiple leaks) in the ceiling so we had to tear that down, reframe it, seal it, etc. etc.

it also turns out, which I found out by accident, there’s a bunch of water damage to the floor. I just stepped out to see what Edyn was doing and sunk in about an inch or so.

So it’s going to be a lot more work than expected, but it’s still such a fun project to be doing as a family. This is what Jon and I love to do, and we’ve always talked about renovating as a hobby.

So we’ll take it step by step and hopefully, before too long, we’ll be out on the road with it, soaking up the summer. IMG_0350

Oh, p.s. It’s my birthday tomorrow!

g’night everyone!

daily journal

thirty.

Once upon a time, Jon and I were down in St. George at one of my favorite antique stores, and we found these AMAZING chairs that were just so perfect and we loved them so much so we bought them and thought to ourselves “how cool that we just found these awesome, unique,   one of a kind chairs from an antique shop? Wonder how old they are!”

And then we found out they weren’t unique or antiques AT ALL. Exhibit A:

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This is the second design magazine I’ve seen my chairs in! Except in the other magazine and the ones we have are actually white so this picture maybe isn’t the best example but other than the color THEYRE THEY EXACT SAME.

HOWEVER, I will take comfort in knowing that, even though they aren’t antique or one of a kind, they are featured in design magazines, the one pictured above being the Magnolia Journal, so obviously we did something right of JoJo approves, eh?

Anyways, we decided to be complete champions and climb in bed at 8:30 and now it’s 9:05 and I’m ready for shut eye. (I think Jons already sleeping). Goodnight guys!

daily journal · family

twenty nine.

How I got the sweetest kid of life, I’ll never know. But oh my lands, look how precious! I was on the couch boobin’ about my cramps and I could hear her rustling around in the kitchen. A few minutes later she came out with my “sick tray”. That is coconut cream pie with strawberries she cut up herself (butter knife, don’t worry) and she even cut my piece of the pie into little bits so it would be “easier for me to eat”!! Ugh I could just squeal she makes me so happy.

And then she promptly ran into the kitchen to make hot chocolate in the microwave for her and Daddy – because we don’t want anyone to feel left out 😉

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Earlier, Jons aunt stopped by to drop off my birthday presents a few days early since they’d be out of town and with it came a gift from my mother in law (who lives 4 hours away so Julie delivered it for them) and you know what she got me?? A new set of scriptures! I have been so heartbroken because I misplaced my most treasured set when we were reorganizing some things.. and she knew how much a new set would mean to me. I can’t even tell you how much love I feel and how grateful I am.

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Im gonna go read and eat me a bowl of cereal, goodnight everybody.

daily journal

K, ya’ll. Let’s get real again.

I started my period today.

I went to bed last night with a tear soaked pillow from prayers just begging “Lord, let me be pregnant”… and then I woke up to a period.

So my eyes are swollen and I need to take my contacts out because I can hardly see out of them and my heart is sore and I’m drained as you could imagine anyone would be when dealing with infertility.

I was just so hopeful once we started the clomid. It’s such a battle every day of telling myself not to get excited but then how do you not get excited?

Anyways. There’s no getting around it or pretending today was good in any shape or form, it sucks. Infertility sucks. Being patient sucks. Periods suck.

I’m so beyond grateful, though, that I’m not doing this alone. Jon is the only person I could go through this with. I thank God for him. (Autocorrect just changed “him” to “home” and that’s kind of fitting). And I’ve been shown some real kindness, too. Not just people being nice… but actual kindness and thoughtfulness and willingness and openness.

I know God isn’t ignoring me, and I know he hasn’t forgotten me. I know that sometimes, even our most desperate prayers are answered with “not yet” or maybe even “no”. He still sees me. I still feel Him. I know He’s carrying us through this and just like Jon says… something good will come out of this, it just has to.

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Good night everyone. Whatever we’re going through, (yes I’m talking to you), we got this.

daily journal

twenty seven.

It was was a rough one. I think mostly because I was feeling super aggravated at everything but also because a certain 5 year old was ON ONE!

Holy moly, by dinner time I was almost in tears. Then Jon was helping me put the fire out, so to speak, and that’s when she burst into tears. She just melted and said “it’s a bad day”…

Aaand thats when I realized that she’s entitled to bad days, too. And her acting out today wasn’t “at” me or about me at all…so we all took some breaths and promised to try again tomorrow.

The good parts about today though- because there always has to be  good part, right?- is that we got to dance class early so we drove over to the pond to see the ducks and watching Edyn flail around trying to catch them was hilarious.

And, I had an hour to read while she was in dance and saw the sweetest quote…”people said Ove saw the world in black and white. But she was color. All the color he had.” It’s a heartbreaking and romantic quote and it just gives me all the feels.

 

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Night guys, here’s to a better tomorrow. Thank heavens for new days.

daily journal

twenty six.

Mother’s Day. It’s such a conflicting day for me, as I’m sure it is with many out there. But Jon and Edyn really are bright lights in my life, making me feel all important ‘n stuff.

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Plus Edyn gave me the most wonderful card I’ve ever been given.

Whether this day is super special to you or super awkward- I hope it’s been a great one for you all.

daily journal · family · utah · words

twenty five.

We we made it to Lagoon but only temporarily. The weather was uncooperative and the cold won. Edyns little fingers were like icicles and we were all shivering too violently to enjoy our time (Jon was very optimistic in his clothing choice of a tank top and shorts this morning, luckily my dad came with us and brought a couple sweaters. But even that wasn’t enough to warm us up).

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So we booked it out to our cars and drove back to Salt Lake for a Mothers Day lunch and my Dads girlfriend and her two daughters brought me the most beautiful flower/succulent arrangement I’ve ever seen.

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And competing for first place in this day full of blessings: getting to meet our friends NEW newborn.. as in just born on the 10th. So sweet! Edyn is a natural with babies and I can’t wait to see her become a big sister whenever the good Lord sees fit.

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We are still on our Star Wars marathon… it takes time and I’m good with it. And I have this insatiable appetite for wings but rather than leave the house I’ll settle for Rice Krispies.

G’night, friends.