We’re on a drive down to Hurricane for the weekend for a visit with Jons folks. We’re in the middle of nowhere with no city lights in sight and I so wish I could show you how pretty all these stars are but you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Im going to soak in as much of them as I can before my eyes close.
You know how people say there’s a season for everything? Mine happens to be a recurring season, but a season nonetheless. Depression. It’s a doosey. But it comes and goes without warning and all of the sudden I start to feel like myself again.
It’s not gone, at least not for long anyways. But as I feel the heavy waves creeping up on me, I’ll figure out how to keep moving on and clawing my way through it because I control this life of mine, not the little dark cloud that’s really pushy and manipulative and can sometimes trick me into thinking it’s in control.
Jons workin’ real hard to save me from myself, so his newest plan is to get me doing some 3 week long workout plan with him that might be slowly killing me. But who’s to say.
He feeds me treats like this after, though, so I guess it’s not all bad 🙂
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I don’t know how to make the sad go away. But I thank God every chance I get for sending me these two people who love me and quite literally save me, every day.
Depression hurts like hell. But because of them, I know I will live through this, even though it feels like it could kill me.
Ive got to keep talking and writing and reading and playing and living because if I stop, I will get swallowed up whole.
I saw this quote on Facebook today and I’m sure it’s because I was meant to.
People can be mean. People can spread lies and say hurtful things and try to tear you down and try to discredit or invalidate you. They can and they will.
It’s hard to lay on the hypothetical floor after a beating and ever want to get back up again. It’s hard, once you DO get back up again, to want to ever raise your voice again. To keep fighting for truth or for freedom from the cycles we get caught in.
Its hard because it’s scary and it’s messy and it’s complicated and it can hurt.
But we have GOT TO “show up anyways”.
So here I am…
Im grateful for sunshine and perfect days.
But I’m also grateful for rain clouds and walking to the car, feeling the cool tap of a raindrop on my arm – like an introduction.
Depression is real, ya’ll. Ive been in a dark hole.
But Im going to work on getting back to writing about all my blessings because I have been abundantly blessed in this life, my cup runneth over.
And I’m not going to let a little dark cloud and some people with sharp tongues stop me from enjoying this beauty of a world I get to live in.
Obviously, I can do better… as a self proclaimed “photographer”… but I was so excited when I put it on, I couldn’t wait to document it.
This is my newest, most treasured piece of jewelry and I will never take it off.
I don’t have a lot to say today, I’ll be honest. It’s not that it was a bad day, it’s just that I’m so sleepy. I feel like I’ve been getting a full on work out all day just from trying to get around with one foot and some crutches! 😂
But I just want to say, God is there. He is, and He loves us. Don’t be afraid to talk to Him once in a while.
Goodnight. Sleep tight.
Ok, angels AND adrenaline.
But it’s NOT broken! So I think everything I said still stands 😉
Careful walking down stairs.