daily journal

K, ya’ll. Let’s get real again.

I started my period today.

I went to bed last night with a tear soaked pillow from prayers just begging “Lord, let me be pregnant”… and then I woke up to a period.

So my eyes are swollen and I need to take my contacts out because I can hardly see out of them and my heart is sore and I’m drained as you could imagine anyone would be when dealing with infertility.

I was just so hopeful once we started the clomid. It’s such a battle every day of telling myself not to get excited but then how do you not get excited?

Anyways. There’s no getting around it or pretending today was good in any shape or form, it sucks. Infertility sucks. Being patient sucks. Periods suck.

I’m so beyond grateful, though, that I’m not doing this alone. Jon is the only person I could go through this with. I thank God for him. (Autocorrect just changed “him” to “home” and that’s kind of fitting). And I’ve been shown some real kindness, too. Not just people being nice… but actual kindness and thoughtfulness and willingness and openness.

I know God isn’t ignoring me, and I know he hasn’t forgotten me. I know that sometimes, even our most desperate prayers are answered with “not yet” or maybe even “no”. He still sees me. I still feel Him. I know He’s carrying us through this and just like Jon says… something good will come out of this, it just has to.

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Good night everyone. Whatever we’re going through, (yes I’m talking to you), we got this.

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