My mind fixtates. One thought stands out from the masses and I pull it and pick it apart. I dissect it, reassemble it and dissect it again from a different angle. I give myself migraines, mostly at night, because I’ll lay there and just think and think and think. It drives me insane.
I’ve tried yoga, I’ve tried deep breathing, I’ve tried avoiding electronics before bedtime, I’ve tried sleepy-time tea and telling my brain to shut the hell up. I’ve tried and tried and I just can’t help myself. Unless medicated, of course.
The thing that has been keeping me up most nights as of late, ironically enough, is the idea of sleeping.
It’s so fascinating and yet so terrifying that our bodies rest in a total state of unconsciousness for hours at a time. My body is there, I am there, in the room, yet people could open and close the door, traipse in and out, talk on the phone, watch a movie, whatever it may be, and I won’t know any of it. Yet I’m there. My physical being is present in the very moment those things occur, but I am unaware. It’s like being lost in a thought, a daydream, and suddenly someone shouts your name and you snap out of it only to realize they’ve been talking all the while.
Brains are weird. Bodies are weird. This whole human existence thing is weird. But I really like it.