Maybe the ending won’t be as tragic after all

EDYN ICE CREAmThere’s a lot that I’m still learning in life. Like how to be married, or how to be a mother. I’m learning that days will never go how I plan for them to go, no matter how much actual planning happens. Sometimes I have full blown, out-of-my-mind panic attacks at 7 in the morning because the world decided to rest on my shoulders at some point throughout the night. Sometimes I’m late to work because the shirt I picked out the night before, is NO WHERE, to be found and the earth might as well just dissolve because that’s how I feel.

I’m learning to let things go and to laugh at my own mistakes, but don’t ask me how that’s going in an hour because I’ve probably changed my mind and am set on the new thought that everyone’s after me, and I’m also learning that it’s ok to change my mind.  I’m human.

I’m learning that there are some people in this world that I will never understand, and probably more people in the world that will never understand me. Some people don’t know they have a certain “something” about them that makes me cringe, like people who deem it necessary to exert their self-proclaimed superiority on ev-ery one.

I’m also learning that there’s people out there that genuinely do not know the difference between deaf and blind, and will ask me if my deaf 3 year old knows how to read braille, and I might laugh for a minute but I won’t judge you because you’ve never had a reason to know.  Like the hairdressers that use phrases like “standard three strand” when normal people usually just say “braid”. Don’t expect me to know that.

There’s also people out there who will forever be apologetic when they learn of my daughters deafness as if it defines her or me in some negative, pathetic way.  (It doesn’t, by the way.)

But, as I’m learning, there are a lot of different people out there with a lot of different views, different beliefs, different vices, different down falls, and every little thing that makes us different, also makes us beautiful. It makes the world work in a mysterious way, and we shouldn’t change that. And if you need to have a breakdown in the early morning hours, that’s ok.  If you burst into tears on I-80 for no mother effing reason at all, do it. It’s ok. If you want to go in at 11 o’clock at night to wake your child(ren) up and sneak them out of the house to go see a new movie that just came out, do it. And buy them popcorn and soda because there’s memories in that, precious memories that will alter the way these children grow up in a magical way.

I’m learning that I actually have a vital part to play in this role of life, and I’m not sure exactly what it is or what I’m meant for, but I know I have purpose, and that’s huge.


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