Tonight I was on the way home from my mom’s house, my daughter was asleep and I was listening to KLOVE (95.3FM)—tonight they had the HillsongUnited concert playing live and one of the band’s members stood up to share his testimony. It was one of those times where the radio’s on in the car but you’re not really listening, and then you hear a few words of what’s happening and turn the volume up just to find out it’s exactly what you needed to hear. Ever have that happen to you? I do all the time.
Tonight’s was particularly meaningful because this man’s words really resonated with me. You see he started out by saying that there was a time in his life where he was really struggling. He knew God was there, but wondered if God really had a need for him. He said that one night he heard it loud and clear, God was saying “Do you trust me?”…and in his honesty he proclaimed that in that moment he really wasn’t sure. He ended up giving his trust to God again and found out that everything he was going through was for a purpose. Now the thing that struck me the hardest, was when he said…”Sometimes God makes a lot more sense in hindsight than he does looking forward.” …Isn’t that the truth?? I mean those words were the exact things I needed to hear. If I take this moment to look back on my years of life, good and bad, I can see exactly why God put me through those specific situations because look at where I am now?! But the struggles I’m facing currently…can tend to be so strong and so significant in my own mind that I wonder if God’s really here for me at all. Those words were a God send…literally.
He really used that man to speak to my heart and remind me that He is here, He is listening and He is good. My faith sometimes can feel like a leaf in the wind, like it’s so weak that one more burst of air might just crack me right down the middle. But then there are the many many times in my life where I can feel God’s presence, and I know he has never and will never abandon me.
Psalm 18:2 says “The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation and my high tower.”
I need that scripture posted on every mirror and every window and every wall in and outside my house. In fact let’s just make it easier and write it on my forehead with a permanent marker, so that I never forget to put my faith in Him. Something is happening this week that is really scary, and quite honestly seems unfair for me to have to be going through because it was someone elses mistake, but I have to take the responsibility and I have to move forward and most importantly I HAVE to put my faith in Him again, because without Him, I couldn’t make it through the fear and anger. I’ve made it through some pretty unthinkable things in this life, and during my most selfish years I felt like that gave me some kind of power against people…Like I could blame them for leaving me to fend for myself and shove it in their faces that I made it through alive. But today, I really see that I didn’t do anything at all. Not a single thing. GOD did. He blessed me with a beautiful, messy, complicated and perfect life because he knew I was the one he wanted to share it with. Just like he wanted to share YOUR life with you and only you. Can you believe that we are THAT special to Him? That he really thinks so highly of us and loves us so much that he really wants to share our lives with us? Pretty spectacular when I think about it. So this week my challenge to myself is quit begging God in my prayers to fix things, to quit asking him to change the situation because it’s just not fair. Instead, I’m going to thank God for every moment of my life that didn’t make any sense at the time, but makes perfect sense now. I’m going to thank Him for loving me enough to give me a life so wonderful, and for loving me despite my constant fear and doubt. Most importantly, I’m going to trust Him, because there hasn’t been a single moment in my life where He has lead me astray.